Will new sneaks be enough for Joe?


Right now the White House is the most expensive nursing home in the world. There is an entire team dedicated to ensuring the Leader of the Western World doesn’t fall down, or Heaven forbid, fall and break something.

We’ve all seen the footage: stumbling up and down the airstairs on Air Force One, falling over on stage at the Air Force Academy, coming off his bike, tripping over the Brazilian flag at the UN, the list goes on. And that’s just his physical state. We’re all ignoring the gibberish he occasionally uses to replace normal speech. (The conspiracy theory that there are several body doubles does at least explain how some days he’s on the ball and some days he’s away with the fairies.)

The White House response. An entire team dedicated to keeping him upright. He’s reported to be working with a physical therapist to improve his balance, wearing new sturdy sneakers, and using shorter stairs on Air Force One.

A recent poll says that three-quarters of Americans consider him too old to serve a second term in office. Axios. This is a worry to the Democrats as they don’t have an easily available alternative. Michelle will need some convincing, the Veep is unemployable, Newsom is keen but has a great deal of failed Californian baggage, Mayor Peter had his shot and missed, and for some reason they all hate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Their big crossover star was Tulsi Gabbard but they forced her out.

So, they have to keep Joe in good shape until they decide who is the next nominee and then they can either hand Joe over to the tame DoJ to be tried along with his son to give the appearance of “doing something about corruption” or they’ll shuffle him off to a home on account of his illness.