This woman is the equivalent of a pervert enticing kids into a panel van with candies. Look at her, all pink and bubbly and set in an elementary school classroom.
Virginity! What is it? And what’s the big deal about “losing” it?
Let me cut right to the chase – virginity is a completely made up concept. It’s a term that was created simply to control and shame people –
A “virgin” is someone who’s never had sex, but it’s not as simple as it seems.
For one thing, medically “virginity” isn’t a real thing. In some cultures, people place a lot of importance on the hymen – a thin, fleshy tissue located at the opening of your vagina- as a marker of virginity, but the status of your hymen doesn’t actually mean anything. That’s because having penis-in-vagina sex is not the only way a hymen can stretch open – It can happen by putting something in your vagina (like a tampon or a finger), riding a bike or doing sports. So you can’t tell if someone has had sex by the way their hymen looks or feels.
Another reason the idea of virginity is whack, is that sex means different things to different people. Generally speaking society tends to define sex in a very narrow way: penetration – penis into vagina.
But where does that definition leave queer people? Or folks who can’t, or don’t, have penis-in-vagina sex, and choose to have oral, anal, or another type of sex instead?
And not everyone’s first sexual experience is consensual, meaning that they were forced or pressured into having sex.
There is also a double standard on who carries the burden of virginity. Society can put pressure on men for not having sex at the exact same time that they shame women for having it.
Either way, shame has no place in someone’s personal decisions about sex.
It’s time to throw away the notion of “losing your virginity”!
What if instead of “losing” something we reframe it as “gaining”? Because, the truth is, when we make our own decision to become sexually active, we aren’t setting ourselves up to lose anything at all! We hope we are gaining things like intimacy, self insight , pleasure, and empowerment.
All of these myths around sex and virginity can be so hurtful and overwhelming.
But here’s the one truth you should remember: sex is defined by one thing and one thing only.
YOU. You get to decide and define what sex – and virginity- mean for you.
Maybe that’s being fingered for the first time. Maybe it’s having anal sex. Maybe it’s having your first orgasm. Maybe it’s masturbating for the first time. Maybe it’s when you enthusiastically consent to sex.
That’s the beauty of your sexual journey, you’re in charge and can figure it out on your own terms. Choosing to have sex – when, what kind, where, and who with – is something that only you get to define.